Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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