Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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