had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
