Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
