Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
