i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
