so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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