i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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