she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
