Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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