Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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