i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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