Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
