Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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