She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
