I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
