Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
