Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
