this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
