I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
