i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
