$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
