Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
