I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
this hospital has no fireball
I pour the whiskey from now on
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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