Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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