so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
