I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's blow job season.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
