I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
