Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
