Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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