do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
