I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
