maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
