God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize