Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
