Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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