There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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