My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
