I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
