i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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