I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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