singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
