I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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