I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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