Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
