Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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