i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
