i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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