Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
