In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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