sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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