I never want to see another naked old woman again.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
