I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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