he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
