My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
