im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize