you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
