I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You made out with two different species that night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i think i just lost a toe
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
