At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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