My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize