Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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