So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
