he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
