Christians are straight up FREAKS
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
