just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
