see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
