Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
