My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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