I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
