there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
