24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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