Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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