Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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