What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
