i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
