I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
