I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
