I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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