I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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