he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
