You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
