party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize