Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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