Everything about him screamed your future.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
