I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
