You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I will die if light touches me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize