Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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