When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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