morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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