Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
