6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
