Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
