I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize