The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
