I think I am morally bankrupt
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
