Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
