I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
