Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
