Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
