I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do vagina's smell?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
