i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
