Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
