sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
a search helicopter?!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize