she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
