You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
