I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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