Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
