i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize