I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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